Unexpected Emotions

Six days after Ethan's birth, I found myself in a very cheerful mood. I had spent the day with my sister, celebrating my nephew's birthday. Minutes after I returned home the doorbell rang. There stood another "angel mom" and she began to sob. She told me how sorry she was for my loss - and I began to feel guilty. There I was with a smile on my face while this mother wept. Shouldn't I be crying? This mother then told me her story of loss. At first I was comforted to realize that there were other people who understood my grief, but as we continued to visit I became annoyed. My visitor went on and on about her loss... I found myself comforting her... shouldn't she be comforting me?

Later that evening my husband returned home from work. I found myself complaining to my husband about my afternoon visit. "I am the one grieving," "She should be consoling me." The more I complained the more infuriated I became.

That night we knelt for family prayer. I began the prayer as I often do - thanking God for our blessings. The spirit then guided my words as I prayed for forgiveness of my bitter feelings. It then occurred to me that perhaps I was given this trial in order to help other grieving mothers. Had I failed? I realize that anger and bitterness are emotions that come with grief. And no mother should feel guilty for experiencing these emotions. But allowing these emotions to rule your life is not acceptable. Allowing these emotions to rule your life will not lead you to the peace and happiness that you hope for.