Sleepless Dark

Months have past (nearly a year) and still I feel the gloom of sorrow. It's like a dark cloud is hanging over me. And though the sorrow fades in and out, the last couple of weeks have been somewhat overwhelming. I know that I typically focus on my strong moments, and my growing testimony - but this deep sorrow is a part of grieving. If I am to share my complete experience this darkness needs to be mentioned. I do, however, realize that if I am to experience extreme joy, I must experience the misery. I am so grateful for the gospel and the hope that it brings me.

Below is a poem that I wrote during one of my many sleepless nights.

Sleepless Dark

In the sleepless dark I lay,
As my heart begins to pray.
Memories I thought were in the past
Are now in the present and will forever last.

As clouds of sorrow take their place,
My heart cries out for amazing grace.
A mist of darkness fills my mind -
It is peace I seek, and am trying to find.

The One who was always near,
Is now gone - I begin to fear.
It is I who has fallen behind.
I search for His face, so loving and kind.

In the sleepless dark I lay,
My aching heart continues to pray.
I grasp for hope as it passes by,
And realize my Friend has always been nigh.

There is hope in His loving embrace,
My Savior, my friend, my Amazing Grace.
Daylight begins to filter the air,
It is true, my friend, He is always there.

--by JaNae Campbell

Holding Baby

The first time I held an infant after losing Ethan is when my aching arms finally found relief. There is nothing more wonderful or comforting than holding one of God's children. I will forever be grateful to this infant's mother. I was sitting in church, when she asked me if I would watch her son while she and her husband joined the choir. Many people would not have asked me in fear that it would hurt my feelings... I am so glad this mother did.

Months later, I was visiting a friend who had given birth to the most beautiful baby girl. My friend handed her daughter to me, and in that same moment her baby smiled. What a wonderful gift!

I wrote the following poem nearly 10 years ago:

A Child's Smile

When a child smiles
The world seems brighter.
Peace and love will fill the air.
There is no sorrow lingering around.

When a smile appears on a young face,
Happiness bursts within every heart.
A melody can be heard from every bird.
The air becomes fresher and sweeter.

There is nothing more wonderful than a smile that
lies upon a child's face.