Written January 11, 2010
My heart is torn as I write this. I know very well the sting that my news may bring to you mothers who have recently lost... I am pregnant. I have a waterfall of emotions pouring through me right now. First, and foremost, I am grateful. Every chance I have at becoming a mother is such a blessing. Every day begins with a prayer of thanks - I am so happy to have survived another day without another loss. However, I am not ignorant. In fact I am painfully aware that losing a child may not be a once in a lifetime experience. I can't help comparing this pregnancy to the last and often the anxiety becomes unbearable. I am constantly praying that I will be able to keep and raise this child.
At times, I actually find myself excited. This never lasts long as I want to protect myself from disappointment. Is it possible to remain hopeful for another six months?
2 comments:
We keep you in our prayers EVERY night! Love you!
I am currently going through the same exact thing right now. Dave and I have been trying to have a baby since july of last year. Finally in the month of february I was pregnant. Yay, but not for long. the month of March, I was Pregnant. Yay, but not for long only 4 short weeks. I was devastated and I still hurt from the two miscarriages. I don't want to try again because I am afraid it will happen again. Of course I want to be pregnant and have another wonderful child, but I don't want to lose another one. I'm kind of torn, I am gonna give it some time.
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