Help to Heal

I have received a request to share ideas of how others can help those who mourn. I have listed for you the numerous acts of kindness that I have received from family and friends. Other ideas can be found in articles listed under "how others can help" on the sidebar of this page.

• My mother-in-law bought me a pair of cozy pajamas and several boxes of tissue.
• My grandmother crocheted a beautiful blanket to bury our son in.
• My mother sewed a tiny white jumpsuit - also used to bury our son in.
• We received numerous meals
• Several visitors came to express their sympathy and offer help
• My sister understood that in my time of grief, it was difficult for me to concentrate. She made several phone-calls to help me figure out insurance.
• I received numerous plants and flowers that were reminders that people cared, and which brought life into our home.
• Our neighbors took us out for dinner
• Friends listened to me tell my story and were willing to look at pictures of our son - this was important to me as I wanted his life and existence to be recognized and remembered.

Some things to avoid include:

• Comparisons of losses
• Asking when the couple plans to "try again"
• Saying "you'll have more"
• Ignoring the loss

I understand that knowing what to say or do can be difficult - most people do not want to offend the bereaved. However, ignoring the loss can be hurtful to those you care for. If you cannot think of anything to do or say, a simple hug will often do the trick. You could even express "I don't know what to say." Acknowledgment of loss is important - no matter the loss (miscarriage, stillbirth, or infant death).

When helping others in their time of grief, we can look to the Savior.

The Savior provided the perfect example of how to respond to the pain and mourning of a loved one. After Lazarus’s death, Christ traveled to Bethany to be with Martha and Mary. To Martha He offered His testimony of life after death and asked her to reaffirm her testimony. When Mary expressed her grief over the loss of her brother, the scriptures simply state, “Jesus wept” (John 11:35).